


La Douleur Exquise

by RarepairTrash



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Romance, Some Humor, Soulmate AU, focus on Rufus/Tseng with hints of Reno/Rude, last chapter will take place during advent children, vague descriptions of sex, vague descriptions of wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RarepairTrash/pseuds/RarepairTrash
Summary: Tseng was exceptional when it came to being professional; good at ignoring his feelings and locking them away, making his job his top priority. With Rufus Shinra in the equation, however, it’s a completely different story.(Soulmate AU where soulmates can feel each other’s physical pain)
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII), Rufus Shinra/Tseng
Comments: 35
Kudos: 71





	1. Giving In

**Author's Note:**

> Haven’t written in a long time, but I saw that this ship was severely lacking soulmate au fics, and I just had to write one :,)

  
Tseng never really understood the big deal with soulmates; he found them disconcerting, actually, considering his line of work. It was important to be able to focus when he went on missions, and it was considerably harder to do so while being distracted by random bursts of pain caused by his soulmate. He occasionally felt sudden pain on his head, or on his foot as if he stubbed his toe, which could be dangerous when he’s trying to aim his gun at a target, as the risk of missing is higher. He will commend his soulmate for keeping those occurrences to a minimal amount, though; it had been a while since he’d felt any sort of pain from them.  
  


Now, he, on the other hand, was a whole different story.  
  


He did admit he felt some sort of sympathy for his soulmate and the pain they must’ve been going through because of him. Turks are prone to get injuries from many of their missions; those injuries could vary from a simple scratch on the knee after a fall, to gunshot wounds or even torture. Tseng has, unluckily, experienced all of the aforementioned injuries and more. During the instances where he felt excruciating amounts of pain, he thought about how his soulmate also had to bear with it. It brought him comfort and guilt at the same time.

On second thought, maybe he did understand why soulmates were such a common topic amongst people. Someone he was “fated” to be with, connected by pain—how could his mind _not_ occasionally dwell on it?

He shook his head, pushing away any unneeded thoughts, and tried to focus on his work—his top priority.

As he worked on writing his report, he heard Reno’s voice to his left from the sofa in the office.  
  


  
“Ah, shit!” he hissed as Rude attempted to disinfect a large scratch he got on his shoulder from his last mission.  
  
  


“Sorry,” Rude said without looking apologetic as he also slightly flinched—Reno and Rude were soulmates. It had been easy for them to figure it out because they were partners, and thus had to fight together. Tseng had eventually noticed and told them that he’d keep their secret (Shinra didn’t like coworkers in relationships); they were quite good at what they did, and that was good enough for Tseng. They eventually stopped trying to hide it from him after Tseng found out, but he still warned them when they were in front of cameras.

Tseng felt a vibration against the table as he heard a familiar ringtone and grabbed his phone, seeing that Rufus had texted him.

_Come over for a drink tonight_ ,  the message read. 

_Alright_ ,  Tseng replied, and put his phone down with a slight smile, before his regular stoic face returned. He checked to see if Reno or Rude saw him—pleased to find that they were still focused on their injuries. If Reno found him smiling at his phone, he’d never hear the end of it.

Rufus occasionally invited him over to his apartment whenever he got the chance, and most of the time, the Turk acquiesced. 

Rufus had known the Turks since they were temporarily assigned to be his bodyguards whenever he left Midgar, after an incident with his regular bodyguards and their incompetence. The President had assigned the Turks on the job because they were better at scanning the faces of any potential enemies, and were better with quickly eliminating targets without garnering any unnecessary attention.

Despite the fact that only one Turk was needed to protect Rufus out of Midgar, Tseng didn’t feel the blonde needed the protection of a Turk when he was relaxing in his private pool, for example. When he expressed these thoughts, Reno had told him to relax, most likely because he used the job as a mini vacation. Rude had felt neutral about it; he most likely didn’t feel comfortable enough on the job to take advantage of it like Reno had.

The President had then reassigned the job to someone else because the Turks were needed for other more important matters. Rufus, however, had seemed to take a liking to the black-haired Turk and they kept on meeting.

Tseng wouldn’t admit out loud that he equally enjoyed Rufus’ company, if not more. 

—+—

  
  


Tseng straightened his tie before knocking on the door to the apartment. After waiting a few seconds, he heard the doorknob turn and the door opened, revealing Rufus in a white long-sleeve shirt with the two top buttons undone. He straightened up and averted his gaze to Rufus’ face.

“Hello,” the Turk said. Rufus smiled and stepped to the side, his hand beckoning him into the apartment. As he stepped in, he saw the familiar luxurious space with expensive furniture and a drink cart next to a black leather sofa. The back wall had full length windows with the best view of the city, the buildings glowing in the nighttime.

Rufus shut the door as Tseng sat on the sofa, his eyes trailing to a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of him; Rufus always had his preferred wine ready for him before he arrived.

Rufus grabbed an alcohol bottle from the drink cart, filling his own glass before sitting on the armchair across from Tseng. They both sipped their drinks silently staring at the city lights from below.

Whenever Tseng went to Rufus’ apartment, he instantly felt calmer. It was an indescribable feeling in his chest, like the feeling of a hot shower after a long mission, or the silkiness of the bed after a tiring day. Silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable; they both understood that they didn’t need to keep a conversation going when they were together. 

Recently, however, he felt tension in the air when they had their silent breaks. He didn’t know what changed.

“How was your day today?” Rufus broke the silence. The raven haired man finished taking a sip from his glass, and pretended not to notice Rufus’ eyes on his Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

“Average. I wrote a report on my last mission and did paperwork for the rest of the day. Yours?” 

Rufus hummed, looking out at the city and back at Tseng. The Turk didn’t look back—Rufus’ eyes always had a piercing intensity to them.

“I went to a meeting today... Well, it was just my father scolding me, but it still counts,” the blonde chuckled before downing the rest of his drink. The Turk gave a slight smile and drank more from his glass, which was still mostly full.

Tseng hadn’t really noticed just how tired he was before he got here. He supposed the quietness and relaxation accentuated his fatigue. It was getting considerably more difficult to keep his eyes open as the minutes went by. He wondered how Rufus would react if he fell asleep on his couch; would he wake him up, or would he let him sleep? He entertained the thought, deciding that he wasn’t going to find out any time soon.

“Tired?” Rufus asked with a smile, and Tseng nodded slowly as his eyes got heavier. Then, the blonde’s eyes widened, confusing Tseng.

“Careful!” Rufus shouted, leaping from his armchair and quickly grabbing Tseng’s hand, which was holding a tipping wine glass, just millimeters away from spilling onto what Tseng knew was a very expensive sofa. 

Now  _ that _ woke him up again; the feeling of Rufus’ hand on his felt almost electric as he righted his hand. He regretted taking off his gloves before entering the apartment.

“That was close! This sofa costed a pretty penny, so be more careful, hmm?” the blonde said as he gave a chuckle and stared into his eyes. 

They both knew this wasn’t really about the sofa.

“Ah, it’s fine. I wasn’t going to drink anymore,” Tseng said as he quickly placed the glass on the coffee table in front of him. “I should probably go—I’m feeling tired,” he said as he got up and stretched. 

Rufus pursed his lips, looking mildly disappointed as his lips twitched like he was about to say something, but changed his mind, instead saying, “Alright. Good night.” 

The Turk nodded at him, muttering a “Good night,” before taking his leave, trying his best to ignore the vigorous beats of his heart against his chest as he closed the door behind him.

—+—

Tseng arrived at the Shinra building, quickly making his way to his office. He had been careless today—possibly from exhaustion—and had almost gotten seriously wounded by the target from his last mission. The target had tried to stab his stomach, Tseng moving away at the last second, his knife instead scratching him below his ribs. The wound was still oozing blood, so he had to disinfect and patch it up quickly. 

He opened the door to find Reno sitting on Rude’s desk before making his way to his own. “Reno, get back to work,” he said, and Reno got back to his own desk after muttering a disappointed “Yes, boss.” 

Tseng took off his blazer, garnering the attention of both Rude and Reno as he unbuttoned his shirt stained with dark red, and saw that the cut had stopped bleeding for the most part, with only a light trickle left. 

“Yikes,” Reno hissed.

“Need some help with that?” Rude asked, and Tseng shook his head. 

“No, thank you. I’ll patch it up myself,” he said as he grabbed the bottle of disinfectant and some gauze pads. He wet a piece of gauze and slightly hesitated before cleaning the cut; this was going to sting. Tseng vaguely thought of his soulmate as he felt the sharp pain, before sticking some gauze onto his skin to stop any remaining amount of bleeding.

The other Turks had continued working as Tseng finished up and started writing his report. “Rude,” he heard Reno mutter. “Rude,” he said, louder. “Rude!” he groaned, before Rude responded with a grunt. 

“Can you get me some coffee?” he said, attempting a puppy face, but miserably failing. Rude stared at him with a blank look on his face, before muttering a “No,” and looking back at his computer. 

Reno groaned again, “Oh come on, babe!” Tseng fixed him with a stern look and he muttered an “Oops,” before going back to his childish groaning. Tseng was used to it at this point.

Eventually, after a few agonizing minutes, Rude sighed and gave in, bringing Reno some coffee; Tseng didn’t know how Rude was still sane while living in the same house as the red-haired man.

Reno grinned as he yanked it out of Rude’s hand, sighing joyfully after taking a sip. “Thaaank you. Promise I’ll make it up to you later,” he said with a wink, and Rude pursed his lips before sitting back down on his desk. Tseng swore he saw his ears getting red.

Tseng wondered if he would ever experience that sort of easy banter with his soulmate, if he managed to meet them any time soon. He didn’t know when he would end up finding his soulmate—it could be years before he finds them. He felt so desperate for someone’s touch—for someone’s _attention_ , and he didn’t even know if his soulmate would end up really liking him at all. Tseng was known for being cold and stoic, though Reno frequently talked about how he “knew he was a big softy on the inside.” Tseng never replied to those embarrassing comments.

He hoped his soulmate understood that if he could stop them from experiencing the pain he’d experienced, he would. 

Tseng frowned—what was he _thinking_? He doesn’t even know his soulmate. He shouldn’t be getting distracted by such meaningless things; he should be thinking of actual important matters like his work. He pushed his thoughts away as he finished writing his report.

As he submitted his report, he heard his phone buzz and quickly picked it up. It was a text from Rufus, reading  _ Come over tonight. _

It had been approximately two weeks since his last encounter with Rufus, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to spend time with him. After an exhausting day, nothing sounded better.

_Alright_ ,  he responded and put his phone down, starting on his paperwork with a strange feeling in his chest.

—+—

He knocked on Rufus’ door once again, Rufus letting him in fairly quickly. He sat on the same spot on the sofa he sat on last time. He stared at the coffee table with a puzzled look; there was no wine glass sitting there for him this time. 

After shutting the door, Rufus sat right next to him on the sofa. Tseng was confused at the close proximity, since Rufus had always sat at a distance from him, but he wasn’t complaining. There was also the fact that Rufus didn’t look like he’d be getting drinks tonight, which also didn’t bother Tseng, instead piquing his curiosity even further.

Rufus seemed to have a pensive look on his face before he broke the silence. “Have you found your soulmate?”

Tseng eyebrows raised just slightly; he did admit he was surprised at the question. Rufus had never talked about his own soulmate, so it came as a shock that he would ask Tseng about his at all.

“No,” he said, averting his gaze towards the unpowered, large television on the wall, before tacking on a “Why?” at the end.

“No reason, just curious,” he said with furrowed brows. “I haven’t found mine either,” a pause. “Do you think about finding them?”

“Yes,” the Turk answered honestly; he didn’t see the point in lying to Rufus about it. “However, I can’t exactly will it to happen, so I try not to concern myself with it.”

Rufus hummed. “Yeah, I understand that,” his shoulder brushed Tseng’s. “But I can’t stop wondering just who they’ll be. The fact that they seem to get lots of injuries doesn’t help either,” he chuckled. It made Tseng think of how his own soulmate would probably have him in their mind a lot because of his injuries.

Rufus continued, “Doesn’t stop me from seeing others, though. Might as well have some fun while I wait.” This made Tseng look back at Rufus, noticing how the blonde was staring at his neck, before looking into his eyes with a fierce gaze.

_Oh_.

Tseng understood what this was about, now; why Rufus sat so close—why he didn’t get them any drinks. He was surprised Rufus found him sexually appealing enough to want him to satisfy his urges, and that he’d been so direct about it.

He found that he wasn’t feeling opposed to the idea of spending a night with Rufus; he found him highly attractive, with his blonde hair that framed his face well, and his eyes that could take the breath out of Tseng’s lungs with a single gaze. Well, Tseng had his own urges to appeal, as well, and it had been a while since the last time he’d done it. He didn’t know how accepting the offer would change their relationship, but considering it had been Rufus initiating it, he decided not to care for tonight and be greedy for once.

He stared at the blonde’s lips, before bringing his gaze back to his eyes. Rufus leaned in, understanding the implications while looking slightly surprised that Tseng had accepted his offer, and their lips smashed together.

As they kissed, Tseng felt his heart beating furiously in his chest; it felt good— _too_ good, better than any other kiss he’d had in his life. 

Clothes were strewn about the floor as they made their way to the bedroom, which looked as elegant as the rest of the house and also had a view of the city through large windows. The city lights were the only thing illuminating the room as they moved about, trying to feel as much of each other as possible.

Tseng certainly wasn’t expecting this when he knocked on Rufus Shinra’s door approximately 10 minutes ago, but he wasn’t complaining.

After relishing in each other’s electric touches, pleasure evident in the sounds within the walls, with the smell of Rufus’ cologne on the bed and his sweat mixing with his’ and the way Rufus wouldn’t take his gaze away from his face overwhelming him in the _best way possible_. Soon enough, they both came undone and it was over.

They laid on the bed next to each other, Rufus on his side while the Turk was on his back. He felt relaxed despite having a lingering thought of how their relationship wouldn’t exactly be the same as it was before. He didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

Rufus’ hand lightly grazed his scars with an indescribable look on his face; Tseng felt a shiver run down his spine at the soft touch. Then, Rufus trailed his hand towards the gauze pad from his most recent injury. He looked up at Tseng’s face, “Can I?” he muttered, asking if he can see the injury for himself, he supposed. Tseng nodded.

Rufus peeled off the gauze and set it aside. He eyed the cut with a crease between his eyebrows, and passed his fingers over it gently. Tseng gave a light flinch at the small amount of pain he felt—it _was_ a recent injury, after all.

Rufus’ mouth slightly opened before his eyes stared into Tseng’s once again. Without removing his gaze, he leaned his face down and pressed a light kiss right next to the cut before leaning up and doing the same to his lips. 

Tseng tried not to think anything of the romantic gestures; they felt more intimate than anything else he’d felt from Rufus that night. It was difficult, however, when Rufus was looking at him with such a fond stare. 

He knew he shouldn’t get attached. Sooner or later, Rufus would eventually find his soulmate and none of this would mean anything. He decided to ignore the painful ache in his chest just for tonight and enjoy the special attention given to him by Rufus as they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	2. Pain

Tseng has found himself thinking about Rufus more often, lately. He doesn’t like how he feels when he thinks of the blonde with a soft smile planted on his face, or how he catches himself checking his phone every once in a while to make sure Rufus hadn’t texted him. 

It’s not like it would make a difference if he _did_ text him; he wasn’t planning to see Rufus any time soon. He needed to take a break, a few steps away from the situation because despite feeling so elated by just the thought of Rufus, he can’t ignore the way his heart aches in his chest, taunting him for feeling the way he does. He can’t ignore the fact that Rufus wouldn’t  really  care about him the same way Tseng does, because his soulmate is out there somewhere just waiting to pry Rufus out of his reach.

He’s heard the stories before—has seen the events play out himself. Two people meet and they’re not soulmates, but they like each other enough to try and challenge fate itself, but in the end, fate always wins. Once one of them finds their soulmate, their relationship is over; Tseng has yet to see that kind of relationship work. 

He doesn’t want to do that to himself. He doesn’t want to go through the pain of finally  having someone, only for them to be inevitably taken away. Which is why when Tseng got a text from Rufus when he got to his apartment that night, he declined his offer, saying that he had too much work.

Tseng ignored the shaking of his hands as he went into his shower, hot water running down his body in a makeshift embrace.

—+—

  
  


It’s been months since Tseng had seen Rufus. He’d gotten a couple more offers from him asking him to come over, saying that his apartment was always open to him. Tseng declined them all, insisting that when he wasn’t busy with work he’d go. 

Then Rufus had become the Vice President of Shinra, and he hadn’t texted him since. Tseng knew it was because being in the position of Vice President came with a lot of work, but a part of his brain wouldn’t stop pestering him with “what if” questions. What if Rufus had forgotten about him? What if Rufus hated him?—he _had_ technically been avoiding him for the past few months. Or, the worst one:

_ What if Rufus had found his soulmate? _

Tseng pursed his lips as his grip on his pen tightened. He wasn’t going to think about unnecessary things. Even if it was true, this is what Tseng had been preparing for ever since he decided to avoid Rufus.

He heard a small giggle and looked up from his paperwork, finding Reno pinching his arm to get Rude’s attention and mouthing something, thinking he was being sly.

“Reno, get back to work,” Tseng commanded, and he saw Reno flinch. 

“But boss!” Reno complained, “I was just takin’ a break!” He frowned, muttering “Someone shove a stick up your ass? You’ve been so moody lately.” Tseng glared at him and got back to his paperwork—he was too tired to deal with Reno right now.

After a pondering hum from Reno, “I’m right, aren’t I?” Reno said, staring at Tseng with suspicion. “It _would_ explain everything... Y’know, I’m pretty damn great at giving advi—“

“I’m fine,” Tseng interrupted, making Reno look at him with a bored expression before getting back to slowly typing on his computer. A few moments later, he heard a knock on the office door. “Come in,” he said, and a low-rank Turk walked in. 

“Sir, the Vice President is looking for you,” the man said, and Tseng froze. _Rufus wanted to see him?_ While he was working? He couldn’t even refuse the offer this time; Rufus was a higher rank than him.

Tseng set his pen down, “Alright,” he said, frowning. “Do you have an idea as to why he told you instead of telling someone of a higher rank?” The Turk was a lower rank than Tseng, so Tseng was confused as to why he was the one Rufus had talked to.

“Oh, uh—he saw me in the elevator and told me to tell you directly, sir.” That made sense; Rufus would do that.

“Alright, thank you.” The Turk left and Tseng got up to go to the Vice President’s office, ignoring the curious looks on Reno and Rude’s faces.

He went inside the elevator, straightening his tie and suit, suddenly feeling jittery as a rare nervous feeling overcame him. What was he, a teenager? He needed to stay calm and get this over with quickly.

He knocked on the Vice President’s office door, preparing himself, and Rufus opened it with a frown, before the crease between his brows dissipated upon realizing it was Tseng, his eyes widening in surprise. He quickly composed himself, and with a serious tone, he said, “Tseng.”

Rufus stepped aside to let him in; his office was as luxurious and spacious as he expected it to be. He stood awkwardly near the door, not knowing whether it would be appropriate to take a seat. “What do you need, sir?” the Turk asked, feeling strange seeing Rufus after so long.

“Take a seat,” the blonde evaded the question and led him to a sofa near the wall. Tseng hesitated, but obliged. Rufus stood in front of him a few feet away.

“Been a while, hasn’t it?” Rufus asked, and Tseng flinched at the sudden guilt he felt. He nodded when Rufus looked back at him, evading his gaze. “Might I ask why?”

Tseng’s throat felt dry as he uttered, “Why what, sir?”

Rufus looked at him for what seemed like minutes, and asked with a lower voice, “Why have you been avoiding me for the past few months?” Tseng made the mistake of looking up at Rufus’ face; it almost looked like he was in pain. 

Tseng quickly looked away, “I haven’t been avoiding you, sir. I’ve had to do a lot of work—“

“That’s _bullshit_ ,” Rufus hissed, and Tseng snapped his mouth shut. He wasn’t enjoying being put on the spot like this.

Rufus continued, “You think I can’t look up the amount of work that’s been assigned to you? Did you forget I’m a higher rank than you now?”

Tseng’s breath hitched—that’s right. How could he have been such an idiot? Of course Rufus was going to check if he was lying after his workload had appeared as if it suddenly changed drastically, and now he knows that for the past months Tseng had been lying to his face.

“Sir, if we won’t be discussing work-related matters, I’ll have to take my leave,” Tseng evaded the subject, staring into Rufus’ exasperated eyes.

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me, Tseng? Is this because of what we did that night? We can forget all about it—pretend it never happened,” Rufus pleaded desperately.

Tseng looked down. He was tempted to spill everything out right then and there, but he wasn’t going to make himself look so miserable and pathetic in front of Rufus.

He felt as if he was about to lose his composure, so he quickly muttered a “Goodbye, sir,” as he got up from the sofa and made his way to the office door.

“Tseng!” Rufus called after him, but he ignored it and shut the door. He was clenching his teeth and fists so hard, he was shaking. He was furious; furious at the world, furious that the whole concept of soulmates existed—but he was mostly furious at himself. 

He did breathing exercises in the elevator to calm himself down and get back to work as soon as possible. 

—+—

  
  


Tseng hadn’t felt such strong devastation in ages. He stared through the office window with dread as the Sector 7 plate collapsed, his throat tightening and stomach contracting as if it would release his lunch right then and there. He thought about how Reno and Rude must’ve felt; they were the ones directly involved with making the plate collapse.

Of course, Tseng had been directly involved as well—and the thought disgusted him—but he was staring at the disaster unfolding from the comfort of his office. He forced himself to look away.

He had no choice in the matter. If he refused an order from the President, Shinra would surely have his head.

He soon had his thoughts confirmed when Reno and Rude arrived; Reno in bad condition, while Rude was barely managing—he  was feeling the same pain Reno was experiencing. Tseng bet it was difficult for Rude to compose himself enough to even get them both back to safety, but at least they made it, which at least gave him some relief.

After they’d both gone to get their injuries treated, Tseng felt a vibration in his pocket. He grabbed his phone with shaky hands; it was a text from Rufus. _Of course_ —who else could it be?

_ Hey, can you come over tonight for a drink? I’m sorry about last time, I couldn’t control myself after not seeing you for so long. Let’s talk things out,  _ the message read. 

Tseng had already felt horrible; he’d barely slept for the past few days—busy with the plans of the Sector 7 plate drop, Aerith, Avalanche—and his already unpleasant emotions had been pushed to the brim after seeing the fall of Sector 7 and experiencing the unavoidable guilt that followed. Which is why he agreed to Rufus’ invitation this time; he desperately needed a drink, and even after the painful months he’d spent avoiding Rufus, his feelings toward him remained unchanged, which meant that the blonde could at least make him feel some semblance of comfort.

_Alright_ ,  he replied. Rufus had said he was sorry about last time, but it was really Tseng who needed to apologize for leading him on and disappearing afterwards. 

At least there was something worth looking forward to today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, tseng... you may be the leader of the Turks, but when it comes to your love life, you can be so oblivious


	3. Revelation

After Tseng finished the rest of his work for the night, he made his way to Rufus’ apartment. It was almost strange, going to his place after such a long while. He knocked on the door, and Rufus opened it within seconds.

Rufus’ eyes widened with worry, “Are you okay?” he asked. Tseng didn’t blame him; he probably looked unkempt because of his exhaustion and sleeplessness.

He nodded dimly and walked past Rufus after he shut the door, making his way toward the familiar black leather sofa. He saw that his wine had been placed on the table, but tonight he needed something stronger to temporarily get rid of the painful thoughts plaguing his mind.

“Can I get a stronger drink?” Tseng asked, and Rufus’ brows furrowed. He knew that Tseng didn’t particularly enjoy strong liquors.

“Are you really okay?” Rufus asked instead of giving him an answer, and sat next to him waiting for a serious response, his own drink forgotten on the drink cart.

Tseng looked away; he was beginning to regret going to the blonde’s apartment. He was naive for thinking Rufus was just going to let him get drunk without having a serious conversation.

“Is it the plate?” Rufus asked, putting a hand on Tseng’s shoulder, making him tense up. Tseng knew there was no point in lying to Rufus; he already knew there was something wrong, so he would keep trying to figure out exactly what it was.

Tseng gave a slight nod. “I saw it fall. Made me feel... Guilty,” he paused. He wasn’t going to tell Rufus that he was another big reason he’d felt horrible for the past few months now—it wasn’t his fault.

Rufus gave his shoulder a squeeze and Tseng leaned into the touch. “You shouldn’t feel guilty; it’s not like you had a choice,” he sighed. “Besides, it already collapsed. Nothing can be done about it now.” 

Rufus was right. Tseng’s guilt wasn’t going to undo the situation—it wasn’t going to turn it into a nightmare for him to calmly wake up from. _No_ , there would be no liberation from this; he could only move on. There was absolutely nothing he could do now. 

If only it were that simple. Tseng’s emotions had only been getting harder to control.

He nodded, feeling Rufus’ other hand land on top of his clenched fist he hadn’t even realized he’d tightened. His hand relaxed as he gave into the touch. Rufus gently slid his hand up his arm and around his waist, doing the same with the other, embracing Tseng.

Tseng clenched his teeth as he returned the gesture; hating the way his traitorous heart felt warm after months of feeling cold and empty. 

“My father is the one who caused all this,” Rufus growled after a few seconds of silence. “Trust me, once that pathetic idiot dies, we’ll both change this company together. Shinra won’t be making any more brainless decisions,” he muttered next to his ear.

Again with Rufus and his promises of togetherness; _didn’t he understand?_ Didn’t he know that feeding Tseng’s empty heart with hope would only make the pain of ripping it apart even more agonizing? Didn’t he realize that he was only making the situation worse? 

This was his breaking point.

Suddenly, all his exhaustion and guilt and pain and  every negative feeling he’d been bottling up over the last few months came pouring out of his eyes. He didn’t sob—he’d barely had enough control to stop himself from doing so to avoid any more unnecessary humiliation—but he couldn’t stop the tears leaking out of his eyes. 

He heard a low gasp from Rufus as he felt the wetness on his shirt, before the blonde rested his chin against his shoulder. Soon after, he started giving light scratches to his back in an attempt to calm him down.

“Let it all out,” he whispered, so Tseng did.

His teeth clenched as he was gripping Rufus’ shirt hard enough he thought it would rip apart. Rufus ran his hand through his hair, nails dragging gently on his scalp, making him shiver in satisfaction.

After a while, Tseng managed to calm himself down, his tears melting away. He stayed with his forehead resting on Rufus’ shoulder as he kept comforting him, feeling his eyes grow heavier as the threat of sleep crept up on him by the second, before his mind finally went blank.

—+—

  
  


He awoke with a headache, slightly confused as to where he was before he remembered the night before. He was surprised to find himself lying on Rufus’ bed, comfortably tucked under the soft blanket, his blazer straightened out at the foot of the bed. He found it appealing that Rufus thought ahead and spared him of having to spend the day with a wrinkly suit. 

He looked around for any trace of the other, instead finding a note on the bedside table, reading,  _ Grab anything you’d like to eat. The bathroom has spare supplies in the cabinet under the left sink. Make yourself at home. _

He appreciated Rufus’ generosity, but he wouldn’t be able to do any of those things if he’d overslept. Oh. He urgently grabbed his phone, also on the bedside table, and checked the time, sighing in relief when he saw that he had 30 minutes until his shift would start.

He decided to go to the bathroom, relieving himself before he brushed his teeth and washed his face, brows furrowing when he saw eyebags under his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. No wonder Rufus had looked so surprised when he saw him last night.

The thought made him remember that Rufus had initially been planning on talking to Tseng about the reason they had an argument in the first place. He was relieved that Rufus left it for another time, but he still wasn’t looking forward to it, if he was being honest.

Last night he’d ended up giving in to his desires; after months of convincing himself he wouldn’t get close to Rufus again, he’d finally done the complete opposite, and it felt good. It felt so,  _ so  _ _good_ —it was unfair. Even after avoiding Rufus for months, the blonde had still comforted him; it showed that Rufus truly cared about him. 

He would take every ounce of what Rufus gave to him at this point. He’d enjoy it while he could, and when they had that inevitable conversation, Tseng would reveal everything to him—the reason he avoided him, and his worries about their soulmates.

He straightened his uniform and fixed his hair, deciding to skip breakfast, as he didn’t have enough time. He made sure to lock Rufus’ door as he left, and when he arrived at his office, he was surprised to find Reno and Rude already present. Usually, they came at a much later time.

Upon closer inspection, Tseng realized they were sleeping, Reno laying on top of Rude as they embraced; he supposed they’d slept there all night. He stayed quiet on his desk so as to not wake them. After yesterday’s events, they deserved the rest—he’d wake them when they had work to do.

Some time later, he heard groaning from the couch—Reno was up. “Rude,” he muttered softly, and Rude stirred. Reno looked up groggily, and jumped when he saw Tseng.

“Boss?!” he scrambled off Rude, and Rude sat up with a yawn. Reno put his palm on top of his heart, “ _Holy shit_. You scared the shit out of me,” he frowned.

“Be grateful I let you sleep,” Tseng gave him a glance before returning to his computer.

Reno sighed, “Yeah, yeah.” He stretched, flinching in pain when he realized he was still injured. Rude flinched beside him.

“Well, yesterday fuckin’ sucked,” he muttered, and Rude grunted in agreement beside him. 

“Let’s try not to feel guilty anymore—there’s no way to undo events that already occurred,” Tseng repeated Rufus’ advice to them, hoping it would ease them if not a bit.

Reno sighed and nodded, looking up at the ceiling with a blank stare. Rude patted his thigh and went to his desk. 

They spent the day in mostly silence, which Tseng appreciated despite feeling slightly uneasy at the rare sight of a silent Reno.

—+—

  
  


It finally happened; the President was dead. _Killed_. It’s not known who killed him—not yet—but it had been done, and that’s all that mattered.

Tseng followed Rufus in the Presidential office; it was the first time they’d seen each other alone since the night after the plate drop. Tseng stared at Rufus’ gleaming eyes; eyes brimming with hope, ready to take full responsibility of the Shinra Electric Power Company. Tseng knew he’d been waiting for this moment for years.

Rufus turned to him with a smile, suddenly bringing him into a tight hug, which Tseng hesitantly returned. “We did it,” he laughed into his shoulder. “We finally did it.”

After a while, Rufus broke away, his gaze returning back to the city. His expression suddenly turned serious, and Tseng knew this was the moment he’d been anticipating.

“Now that we finally have a moment to ourselves, do you want to talk about what happened?” Rufus gave him a side glance. 

Tseng nodded; suddenly, he got nervous once again. “Alright,” Rufus signaled him to explain himself.

Tseng took his time formulating his response. He looked at the city; the lights were bright and luminescent against the night sky, thriving with life all hours of the day. All of it was now owned by the man right next to him. He looked back at Rufus, “The reason I didn’t want to see you was because I didn’t want to get emotionally attached to you,” he paused, seeing confusion in Rufus’ eyes.

He breathed in and continued, “I knew that eventually, you’d find your soulmate and forget me.” He was surprised to find a look of shock planted on the other man’s face. His shock quickly turned into frustration. 

“Are you _serious_?” he said exasperatedly, confusing Tseng. Rufus rubbed a hand against his face, “Despite being the leader of the Turks, you can be painfully oblivious.”

Rufus made a beeline to the desk in the middle of the office, Tseng trying to figure out the meaning of his words. Rufus grabbed a pen from the desk, turning to Tseng and staring intensely into his eyes.

“Ru—“ Tseng started, cut off by the bewilderment of Rufus _stabbing the pen in his thigh_ , twisting it hard into his white pants and threatening to cut a hole in them. “Wh—“ Tseng was once again interrupted, this time as he noticed the pain shooting through his own thigh, getting more intense by the second.

He stood there, processing the meaning of what was happening, his eyes and mouth widening as he looked at Rufus, who had his eyebrows up. 

Rufus was his soulmate.

_ Rufus. Shinra. Was. His. Soulmate. _

His throat tightened; he was breathless, unable to say a word as Rufus carelessly slammed the pen back on the table and marched towards Tseng, pulling him into an eager kiss. Their teeth clanked as their lips came together; Tseng savored every second, wrapping his hands around Rufus’ neck, wanting to pull him closer than what was physically possible.

How _dense_ was he? He’d been so oblivious the whole entire time. _Of course_ Rufus was his soulmate—it explained everything: the horrible feeling he got from separating himself from Rufus, the look in Rufus’ eyes the night they’d slept together, _the fact that Tseng was willing to sacrifice everything for the man standing right in front of him._

Tseng had never in his life felt as much relief as he did now. His heart finally felt at peace, though it was beating hard and fast because  he can confidently say he could be with Rufus  without an ache in his chest, without worrying—without lying to himself.

Their lips parted, their harsh breathing the only audible thing in the quiet of the office. “Like I told you,” Rufus whispered, his breath hot against Tseng’s. “We can get through anything, as long as we’re together.” Tseng finally believed those words.

Rufus embraced him again, tucking his face against the crook of his neck; Tseng ran his hands through his hair. He can’t seem to get enough physical contact with Rufus now that he wasn’t locking himself away. 

“What a way of telling me, though,” Tseng said after a moment of comfortable silence.

Rufus chuckled, “I wanted to talk to you about it since long ago, but you wouldn’t come over,” he paused, and Tseng felt a pang of guilt. “I didn’t want to reveal it during our argument, and I couldn’t overwhelm you that night after Sector 7,” he finished. Tseng sighed; all that pain he put himself through was for nothing.

“I apologize,” the Turk muttered. Rufus laughed, “No need. I understand why you did it,” he broke the hug. Rufus smirked, “Just wait ‘till we get back to our apartment tonight.”

Tseng felt his neck heating up at Rufus’ use of _“our”_ to refer to his apartment. He supposed it would be more convenient if they lived together.

Suddenly, Tseng remembered something that had been plaguing him for years. He looked at Rufus, his gaze serious; Rufus looked back questioningly. “I’ve been thinking about this for years; I told myself I’d ask this to my soulmate when I met them,” he started.

Rufus nodded, beckoning him to continue. “How much pain have I caused you over all these years?”

Rufus’ brows shot up at the question, before he chuckled. “Well, it depends. I’ve felt what I assumed were bullet wounds, stabbings, broken bones, and others I couldn’t identify... There _was_ one experience that stood out, however,” his eyes turned dark. “Over the course of a few days, I felt excruciating pain all over my body, the pain getting worse in some areas repeatedly. It never seemed to end. What was that?” he asked with a curious expression.

  
  
Tseng knew exactly what he was talking about. He remembered the dark walls and grimy floors, the smell of iron in the humid air, his doubts about surviving—the thoughts he had about his soulmate. He would never forget that experience.

  
  
“I got captured by enemies,” Tseng explained, not needing to elaborate further. Rufus’ brows shot up, “Shit, that sounds horrible.”

“It was,” he paused, considering his next statement. “I apologize for the pain I cau—“ 

Rufus interrupted him with a serious voice, “You had it worse than I did. I can’t _imagine_ emotionally dealing with that... Especially with that horrible pain. It was different for both of us. I’d never blame you for it—neither of us wanted it. But we got through it, together,” his face softened.

Tseng nodded; Rufus was right. He never asked to be in pain—he was simply doing his job as a Turk to his best ability.

Tseng suddenly felt at ease. It seemed like all his problems and worries had dissolved, leaving only contentment and warmth in their wake. It felt like he was finally able to fully breathe once again.

“We should probably get back to work now,” Tseng broke the silence. “People will start asking about the President’s whereabouts.”    
  


Rufus smirked and nodded, “This is only the beginning of a new Shinra.” 

He had hopeful thoughts about what their future would entail, but he knew that no matter what life threw at them, it was like Rufus had said: they would get through it as long as they’re together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a short epilogue :)


	4. Epilogue

Sunlight beamed against Tseng’s closed eyelids, waking him from his slumber. He took a breath, adjusting his vision to the bright light shining through white chiffon curtains. Next to him laid Rufus, still asleep, his face looking peaceful and content. Tseng smiled fondly at the sight before him. He lightly grazed the blonde’s cheekbone, before running his hands through his hair. 

It was nice to have these peaceful moments in the mornings; they’d both gone through unimaginable amounts of pain and grief—it almost seemed like a dream, now.

Tseng remembered what happened after Meteorfall; many things had occurred, none of them being good except for the fact they _somehow_ lived through it. The first noticeable event was that Rufus had gone missing. This made finding him Tseng’s top priority; he knew his lover was alive due to their connection. He had to focus, because he knew that if he was too late, he would  never forgive himself if he lost Rufus.

Reno and Rude hadn’t believed Tseng when he told them Rufus was still alive. Tseng knew he was correct, though—the agonizing pain all over his body told him everything. Despite the horrible pain leaving him restless, he dealt with it knowing the emotional pain of losing Rufus would be much worse than any physical pain.

They’d pitied Tseng, after a while; seeing him working hard day and night—coffee the only thing keeping him on his legs as he looked everywhere for Rufus, but Tseng didn’t care. Tseng didn’t care until he saw that they weren’t trying as hard as he was. They were giving up on him— _giving up on Rufus._

That’s when Tseng decided to tell them about his soulmate connection, and after the looks of shock washed away from their faces, he saw something in their eyes spark alight once more. It gave him hope. 

When they finally found Rufus—just barely alive, as he hadn’t been eating or drinking for days, his body losing a lot of blood—for a moment, Tseng felt all the aches in his body melt away. They’d then carried Rufus back to safety, assigning him to a hospital room, where Tseng had slept and stayed with him for days. He never left his side unless it was absolutely necessary—feeling like Rufus would slip out of his grasp and disappear again if he left for too long. He felt the pain getting better over time, but it still felt difficult to breathe.

When Rufus had woken up, he’d given Tseng the brightest smile he could muster. It made Tseng feel warm again, their hands coming together in an unspoken declaration of love. 

Rufus had started to heal nicely, but it seemed like the Gods didn’t want to give them a break, as Geostigma plagued the world, _his_ world—his lover. Over the course of weeks, Tseng saw the life drain out of Rufus’ eyes as he lost hope; he could confidently say it was the most emotionally draining time of his life.

Tseng felt the painful aches all over his body worsen over time, but he didn’t feel the weakness that had plagued Rufus the most. He tried his hardest to provide Rufus with his needs, ignoring the pain they were both knowingly going through.   


  
Tseng would never forget a certain night, after Rufus had a particularly unpleasant day, where the blonde had broken down in his arms, making Tseng shed some tears himself as he’d never seen Rufus in such a devastating state before. He’d kept on whispering hopeful, yet empty words at Rufus, but he didn’t seem to listen as his grip on Tseng’s shirt kept tightening.

_Then, what seemed to be a miracle happened_. 

The healing rain that brought life back into Rufus, ridding them both of their agony and bringing light back into Rufus’ eyes. Tseng would never forget the expression on his lover’s face after realizing there was hope for them, that he’d heal— _that they could actually spend the rest of their lives together._

They were still both healing in their own way.

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Rufus mumbled sleepily, breaking Tseng out of his thoughts. He stirred on the bed as he stretched, before he wrapped his arms around Tseng once again.

“How hard the past few months have been,” he paused. “Now, this peace almost feels like a dream.”

Rufus chuckled, “Don’t think about those things.” He leaned his face close to Tseng’s, pecking him on the lips. “Remember what I said a long time ago? That as long as we’re together...” he gave Tseng an expectant look.

“We can get through anything,” Tseng finished, making Rufus grin. Tseng could look at him smile for days; he loved the sight after being starved from it for months.

Rufus sighed in contentment before grabbing Tseng’s hand, their rings clanking against one another as he planted a soft kiss on his palm. “I love you,” he whispered.

Tseng then gave him a kiss on his forehead, Rufus’ hair tickling his lips as he whispered back, “I love you, too.”

And nothing would ever change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s that! :,) 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! This was fun to write.


End file.
